It’s So Hard to Let Go…

…of favorite articles of clothing. Yesterday as I was folding laundry I noticed a huge hole in the arm pit of my Well shirt. The shirt itself wasn’t that great, a light gray long-sleeved tee with a small cow printed on it that was a little too big for me. But every time I wore it I was reminded of good friends, cheap instant coffee, and a snuggly warm faux log cabin on cold Kentucky nights.  (If you went to WKU in the mid-90’s you may know about The Well.)  Now the shirt as been disposed of.

Last Fall I finally had to let go of my Sam-I-Am sweatshirt. I also had it since college, but it was truly a favorite. I got a lot of compliments on it in the twelve years I wore it. When it was finally put to rest, it was in a sad state with holes and stains. Sadly the next thing to go will be my favorite pajama pants that I got on sale at Victoria Secret (which I had entered on a fluke) ten years ago. They are maroon drawstring pants that feel silky on the inside and plush on the outside. The butt is almost threadbare, and there’s a hole in the knee.

I have many articles of clothing that have  stayed with me since high school and that until recently I could still fit into (I know, hate me now).  Mainly this has been dresses and t-shirts, as pants seem to wear out so much faster.  I am hard on the knees of pants.   Some items I have retired to the back of the closet; they are still in good condition.  They have great sentimental value, but I wouldn’t want to wear them regularly anymore.  This includes my Senior sweatshirt from high school and my Rocky Horror Picture Show t-shirts (I do not want to have explain Dr. Frank-N-Furter to my kids.)

It’s been almost four weeks since I had my latest (and probably last) baby.  I haven’t completely lost all of my baby weight yet, and I am not really sure that I want to do so.  For a long time I’ve really needed an extra ten to fifteen pounds to look healthier.  So I’ve really been trying to eat like I am still pregnant or at least eat like a regular human being instead of a tired, stressed, and overly-busy mom of three.  With my last two pregnancies I actually weighed less at my 6-week postpartum check-ups then I had pre-pregnancy.  I say the babies suck the life out of me, literally.  (My weight loss secret is high-fat breastmilk production, a lack of time to eat more than four bites at a sitting, and a lack of appetite due to stress and anxiety.)

Actually I am torn about my weight right now.  On one hand I know that the extra weight is probably healthier for me.  On the other hand, I can’t fit into any of my pants (the pounds are mostly sticking to my but and thighs not that anyone else would know it), and I do not look forward to having to buy a whole new wardrobe of jeans, shorts, skirts, etc.  We also don’t really have the money.

Part of me sees this as an opportunity to clean out the closets and dresser of things I’ve been holding onto “just in case”, mainly dress clothes I still have from my working days.  I worry that I’m going to give this stuff away and then have to spend a lot of money to replace it.  But then again, with all this baby junk around, I am really getting an urge to declutter as much stuff as possible.  I am feeling cramped in our ever shrinking home.

I am not getting rid of my little black knit dress, though.  I’ve had it since my junior year of high school and it should stretch over my thicker thighs.  I wore it to Ring Ceremony, Awards Day, and the funerals of two people who died way too young.  As long as it is in good condition, I have too many memories, happy and sad, to let it go.

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