7 Reasons I’m Skinny

With the exception of college, I have been underweight most of my life.  Thanks to lots of Papa John’s pizza, among other things, I was a perfect weight for my height in college, but still thin.  Let’s examine the 7 reasons that I’m so skinny.

1.  Genetics:  My dad was so tall and thin in his twenties that a priest forbade him from fasting during Lent.  I have a good four inches of height over my mom.  I think it’s safe to say whose body type I got.

2.  Breastfeeding:  They literally suck it out of me.  I gain a good ten pounds when I wean.

3.  Stress:  When I feel physically, mentally, or emotionally over-whelmed my appetite just dries up.  With four kids I spend a lot of my life in a state of stress.

4.  Forgetfullness/Distractedness:  When I say that I “forgot” to eat, people look at me funny.  It’s probably more apt to say that I was distracted from eating.  For instance, I was going to eat and then I remembered that Bailey’s leotard needed to be dried.  But before I could dry her leotard I had to take the clothes already in the drier out and fold them.  Then after I switched out laundry Katie wanted a snack.  But to get her snack I had to get a clean bowl out of the dishwasher.  And once I opened the dishwasher I figured I should unload it completely.  And once its unloaded then you should reload it with dirty dishes.  Then I remember that the washing machine is empty, and I really should wash a load of whites.  Then two hours later I remember that I should have eaten something, but now it’s time to cook dinner.

5.  Bad Cooking:  I am not a very good cook.  I eat what I cook because I have to do so, but I don’t eat as much as I would if it actually tasted good.  If I was a billionaire, though, I would hire a personal chef and/or eat out for every single meal.

6.  Healthy Food Temptation:  I like salads.  I like salads with lettuce, mushrooms, cheese, carrots, broccoli, pepperonis, ham, turkey, croutons, tortilla strips, wonton strips, and lots of salad dressing if I can hit a restaurant salad bar.  But lets face it, even the most high-calorie salad that I could make at home is not going to have as many calories as a corn dog.  The same goes for a variety of healthy foods, like fruit.  If I only have time to sit down and eat one item, I really should grab the biggest high calorie item that I can.  But the low-calorie healthy food can be so tempting and tasty.  (On the flip-side of this, I am also tempted to high-sugar snacks like Swiss cake rolls that make me hypoglycemic.)

7.  Trapped:  There are times when I am just sitting around with time to eat.  However, these times usually coincide with me being trapped under at least once child who may or may not be sleeping.  While I often try to remember to pack a food item with me before I sit down, I very often find myself praying that God would grant me telekinesis or teleportation to get more food without having to move my body.

*Honorary mention:  Low Zinc:  I once read an article about how anorexics often have low zinc and if they increase their zinc intake their appetite increased.  So, basically because I don’t eat enough I may not get enough zinc which makes my appetite bad which means that I don’t eat enough and I may not get enough zinc….I really should remember to take a multi-vitamin.

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